The year did not start very good.
Seeing today's condition of the country with endless issues and conflicts within, it did not give me a very peaceful year to welcome. I may be counting down with a group of new friends, I may be laughing, but none of those assured us all that this year's gonna be good.
Grandpa passed away on the 12th of January, I headed back to Johor with my family for his funeral. To be really honest with myself I did not have too deep a grief, considering that my memories of him were back when I was very little. However as I was physically there for his funeral, I was swelled with emotions. Partly for him leaving and also for this weak and worthless life that our souls sit in.
That trip home has opened so many areas of thoughts that I haven't venture in. Newborns give us hope and the deads put us in grief. This is life cycle. It's...pretty tiring.
Now looking at the things that I am attached to, I tend to go a little too far in thinking these days that I even suspected myself for having depression lol. Regardless, I hope it goes away soon. It kills me inside.
I figured also that life has so many changes and especially at this age (23) I am expecting many unprepared changes in the near future. I am starting to get so afraid of changes, and uncertainties have taken too much of my brain capacity. As you get older there are things that you have to let go in order to pursue more of the other. What am I gonna lose along this journey? What if I don't want to let go? What choices to be and not to be made?
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
These are some verses in the book of Ecclesiastes.
I guess there's no better refuge than to look again at God's assurance for us.
Dear Lord, please take charge. Amen.
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