败坏虚伪 (21/01/2016)

“假如人类脱去外壳外貌，你还会选择和我在一起吗？”


外貌显然能让人判定你的好坏。
那么为了生存在这残酷现实的世界，就得打扮自己，融入社会。

从此比较的不再是内涵实力，而是身材美貌。
从此长得好看就有优先权，长得普通等一下，长得丑的除非你有钱，不然慢慢等。
从此下一代不再追求品质，而是耐看。
从此人类因比较而自卑，自杀率越来越高。
从此世界不再公平，败坏虚伪。

很悲哀，不是吗。

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Into Pieces (20/1/2016)

The year did not start very good.

Seeing today's condition of the country with endless issues and conflicts within, it did not give me a very peaceful year to welcome. I may be counting down with a group of new friends, I may be laughing, but none of those assured us all that this year's gonna be good.

Grandpa passed away on the 12th of January, I headed back to Johor with my family for his funeral. To be really honest with myself I did not have too deep a grief, considering that my memories of him were back when I was very little. However as I was physically there for his funeral, I was swelled with emotions. Partly for him leaving and also for this weak and worthless life that our souls sit in.

That trip home has opened so many areas of thoughts that I haven't venture in. Newborns give us hope and the deads put us in grief. This is life cycle. It's...pretty tiring.

Now looking at the things that I am attached to, I tend to go a little too far in thinking these days that I even suspected myself for having depression lol. Regardless, I hope it goes away soon. It kills me inside.

I figured also that life has so many changes and especially at this age (23) I am expecting many unprepared changes in the near future. I am starting to get so afraid of changes, and uncertainties have taken too much of my brain capacity. As you get older there are things that you have to let go in order to pursue more of the other. What am I gonna lose along this journey? What if I don't want to let go? What choices to be and not to be made?


    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. 


These are some verses in the book of Ecclesiastes.
I guess there's no better refuge than to look again at God's assurance for us.

Dear Lord, please take charge. Amen.

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追梦？

Another beautiful morning I wake up to!
Le boyfriend never fails to make my day better with his morning call every time.

Good morning guys :)

This post was supposed to be way earlier, just that every time it's either the atmosphere that is not right or the timing. Also, I actually started this post with chinese BUT my brain and fingers didn't seem to cooperate very well. Lol

This post is mainly about my experience performing in MMU for the first time, with dear Fresh Bottle mates. Fresh Bottle has always been in my head since I entered Foundation. But because of my very heavy coursework, I didn't manage to join their events until now (2nd Year of degree already!).

Half a year ago, just one fine day, I met a friend at Central Plaza. She approached me and somehow led me to their booth. To cut the story short, I signed myself up for their audition, not knowing what it was for and when it would be. Went for the audition, passed as guitarist and vocalist, and with a few practices, there I was, performing on stage with a group of passionate musicians and awesome vocalists.

And I shall now let the photos do the rest of the talking :)

11th Fresh Bottle Recital "Platform 11" 第十一届沁瓶子歌曲发表会《十一站》

25th November 2015 (Wednesday)

Multipurpose Hall, MMU, Cyberjaya

Part of the performers.

主题曲：人生那车站

词曲：许芯慈，王珉倩

歌名：卒

词曲：Alda-Ray

歌名：半首

词曲：Kido Lee, Ah Ying

坊歌：好瓶如潮

词曲：罗浩庭，徐子斌

I was involved in 4 out of 12 songs. What makes me really excited was the bunch of new friends that I met. From knowing nobody when I first joined, now I have a group of music buddies where we share our passion together every now and then. Also, I was so delighted to have met Colbie Ong in person. She's a local artist now, also our very senior of Fresh Bottle in MMU. She was the one that motivated me to join Fresh Bottle when I first heard her sing 2 years ago. RAWR I went all fan-girl-ish over her when I requested to take photo with her. Urgh regretted that so much later. 

Heh. 

Colbie Ong 王思涵

Another inspiration.

Ah Ying, young and talented.

So much to learn from her! :)

Lastly this dear girl Li Ping.

Everybody (well most) says we look alike from the photos.

Even our boyfriends HAHA.

Except she's taller and has way nicer teeth. :D

Bleh.

Nice to know you!

Fresh Bottle is one of the platform I have to express my passion to music. I would have submitted my originals if I knew they opened the floor for submission. Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself so much throughout the event. 

Deep down, I know that Fresh Bottle is gonna be something I will bring with me even after I leave MMU when I graduate.

This opportunity given is well appreciated.
Till next time! heeeees

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(18/11/2015) 2nd year already ._.

Guess how time never fails to wake me from my sleep?

I'm already in my year 2 now.

I really wish I had the time to store my memories here in this blog each time a semester ends. Funny how I always seem like the only one appreciating the moments most of the time. I'm tired of hearing question like 'why do you have to capture this?' Why? because I know when I look back at that particular picture a few years later it would mean so much to me :) Hehe.

I'm glad that me and my housemates are getting along pretty well. It's about 8 months living under the same roof with them, even after a month of break, everything still resumes the way it was. Housemates, Roommates, Coursemates, Groupmates, God always gives us perfect arrangement!

My result for my the previous semester (1st year 3rd sem) was out a week ago. I'm quite satisfied, considering both my major got A+ and A-, and the rest of the subjects with 2 As and 2 miserable Bs. Little bit more to reach First Class Honor, that means I must jiayou this sem liao!

Speaking of that, rumor says that there will be no more exemption of repayment for ptptn even if we graduated as FCH. I've checked various sources and they all said otherwise. Regardless, Imma score as good as I can, even thou the cancellation of exemption will only demotivate me.

Last semester was hell to me, but I kind of enjoyed being in it. Or maybe I should just say it was a tough test in Heaven. :p I lost count on those sleepless nights and days with only 1 - 2 meals. Oh and not forgetting the maggiss I consumed. I feel sad for my body :( People have been telling me that I've lost weight and looked more 憔悴 and what not.

Well now I'm still in my first week of semester, I'm trying my utmost best to sleep enough, eat enough and exercise enough. Yes before the hard times come. I want to gain weight as badly as you want to pet a kitty (HAHA). But I'm serious, more than ever.

Right now I'm trying to get myself exposed to as much of things as I can, at the same time I can't help it to realize how tiny and limited I am. Thanks to the boyfriend for always pouring information to me. He may not be always right but his eagerness to learn always motivates me. Without him I would have nobody else to always push me forward. (why does this sound like a dedication post suddenly lol) Well thou sometimes I really feel like punching him in the face haha but he really is treasure to me.

Kay gotta run. Class soon. It's AFX3 later.

Till next time! :)

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(21/10/2015) Sem Break!

Life's getting exciting!

I've been singing for weddings with my partner.
I've been doing good in my major classes.
My first year in MMU as a degree student has just ended.
I've made it into Fresh Bottle performance team.
I've been recognized for my talent.
I just had my glasses changed.
I've been earning my own pocket money.
I've been handling group assignments pretty well.
I've been making new friends.
I've been trying out new experience like emcee-ing for events.
I had my first promoter job few days back and it went smoothly.
I've been complimented by my leader for my capability at work.
I've been building good names among my lecturers.

Only thing is that,

I've been losing weight.
I've been sleeping very little since the past months.
I've not been coming back to Seremban.
I've not been exercising.
I've not been drinking alot of water but coffee instead.
I've not been hanging out with my high school gang.
I've not been eating healthy.
I've not been taking good care of my face.
I've not been practicing my drawing.
I've not been managing my time well enough.
I've not been getting updates of the news.
I've not been resting.
I've not been reading.

Sem break has just started,

I'm going to do some covers as requested.
I'm going to practice what I've been learning in class.
I'm going to prepare for my sister's wedding.
I'm going to spend time with my family.
I'm going to catch up with old friends in Seremban.
I'm going to practice guitar fingering.
I'm going to update blog as much as I could.
I'm going to tidy up my desktop and manage my folders.
I'm going to avoid spending money.
I'm going to bake some cakes or pies.
I'm going to exercise.
I'm going to watch good movies that have been stored in my hard disk for ages.
I'm going to get myself ready for year 2.
I'm going to get closer to God.
I'm going to upgrade myself.
I'm going to broaden my knowledge in as many areas as I can.
I'm going to do some video editing.

I have 3 weeks break,

Time waits for no man.
Life is so packed with so many activities,
yet I am always reminded of God's grace and presence.
For whatever I do,
I know He is watching over me.
For everything that I achieved,
I give all glory to Him.

I know I will never get to complete my task-list for this time,
but I will make sure I'm a better person when the break ends.

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(10/8/2015) 近况

好久没有发泄了。

最近心情特别沉重，担心的事情也随着时间有增无减。
已经来到第三个学期的Week7，再多7个星期，我就得告别First Year了。

上个星期是我两年以来最压力最伤肝的一个星期。原因是因为有两个Major assignment的submission，搞得我三天三夜才睡了少过10个小时，严重缺眠。除了课业还要担心表演的准备，加上感情出了少少问题，更让我精神不佳，变本加厉。少了倾诉对象，少了对我嘘寒问暖的人，我除了缺眠还要加上失眠的痛。当一切都在同一时间发生时，那种煎熬的程度，不是开玩笑的。

现在一切也告一段落，功课做得还满意，和他和好了，周末表演也圆满结束，蛮欣赏自己的坚强，熬着熬着就熬过来咯。 感谢主啦 (:

虽然这个星期少了一半的忧虑，可是感觉我还没完全恢复正常。睡眠还没调整，身体需要补一补，精神需要支柱。

好多事情都变了，当你习惯依赖一个人，突然他不再关心一切，你就得学会一个人面对。没有什么大不了的。
在乎的人不会就这样离开，不在乎的怎么强逼也只会弄巧反拙。
我以为我长大了，原来还是个小朋友，需要被呵护，需要有人疼爱。

多么的不安，多么不开心，也得自娱。
掉了多少眼泪，心闷了多久，最终也没说出口。

一个星期7天，其中5天在8位室友的吵嚷声中度过，确实得了不少欢乐。

至少那个时刻我能暂时放下包袱，开怀大笑，哪怕只有一小段的时间。

就这样，烦恼中穿插着他们带给我的轻松，一天一天的过去了。

无论如何，我会很常需要自己安静的时间，比如现在。

吵嚷声不可能被停下来，我也唯有戴上耳机，进入自己的世界，安静地呆在里头。

接下来会更忙碌。

常常提醒自己，追梦，却不忘了让祂带领。

我再怎么坚强，没有上帝的眷顾，一切都变得枉然。

必须放下的东西也该放下，看开。

做好自己的本分，其他就不要多管了，毕竟要管也管不着。

好吧，一起加油。
后会有期。

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The power of prayer.

Many months ago when I was still serving as a children church teacher, I would always tell my kids how prayer always worked miraculously throughout my life. Until my faith faded.

I remember how I would encourage people to pray for the slightest matter in their daily lives because I used to believe that God doesn't only answer big and passionate prayers but also insignificant ones.

However I still lost it myself.

Recently as I'm working my best to come close once again to Him, I started seeing small things that God showed me. Little by little, day by day. One thing I'm sure, he still hears me all the time.

Here are some little testimonies I experienced:

1.

Few days ago I was preparing pasta for lunch. The carbonara sauce bottle cap was tighter than usual even my brother couldn't uncap it. We had about a good 20mins mini war with the bottle trying our utmost best but nothing worked. Till my bro said an instant quick yet firm prayer. The next thing I know, brother turned the bottle cover and 'BOP'. There he did it. We gazed at each other before we cheered for our victory.

2.

Yesterday I finally received a long-waited text. I passed my Fresh Bottle audition that I took part last month. Even though I went with a just-for-fun attitude, the text yesterday still got me screaming lol. First I received a text saying I passed as a guitarist. When I saw the text I was a little disappointed because that means my singing didn't pass. After about an hour I was still thinking about it and I indirectly expressed to God how I would prefer to have that platform to sing instead. Just as I was in the middle of my imagination, I received another text, and it was like one hour after the first text. It was the same message, just that the word 'guitarist' was replaced with 'vocalist'. I was excited as crap. I ain't joking. I really was.

If I were to tell this to everybody, many may think that it was just co-incidence. Maybe if we worked a little harder the bottle would still be opened. Maybe if I didn't pray at all the same text would come.


Regardless, I chose to believe that He heard me. Past, Now, and Then.

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