Lovehate to Caffeine

First up, to all the coffee lovers out there, lemme stir your senses with this.

Grrrr don't they look tempting??

I used to have phobia to the smell of coffee when I was little. I gave the same twist on my face when I sniff alcohol back then. Who would have guessed that later it became the love of my life?

When it comes to coffee, I put myself in dilemma most of the times. Here's why.

Caffeine. Whoever that invented it was a genius nyahah. As we grow older our taste buds change, and that only happened recently when I started to surprisingly crave for coffee. I used to tell my mom that I will never get addicted to coffee, other than it's effect, nothing of it really attracts me. 

That brings me to my next point. Coffee has an ability to boost your (at least my) energy. Since nobody has ever explained to me why, I treated it like a magical beverage that helps me stay up for revision back in high school. Until later I found out it was the caffeine's effect. Dumbdumb. As many of your have already known, caffeine is a stimulant to our central nervous system, it has already become a need to me ever since. Well more like a must. It makes me forget my worries, it gives me energy, it is like my drug.

Caffeine seems to be a reason for me to be happy in a day. It has slowly became my routine in the morning. Since a week ago, I woke up every morning with the urge to brew coffee, I guess that signals me my addiction. 

Studies have shown that coffee helps improve our health. However, there are still researchers that say otherwise. Regardless, coffee, is, my, thing. I'm kinda thankful that caffeine actually works for me. Because as much as I see it as a magical beverage, there are still plenty of people around me that say coffee makes them sleep better. It has the ability to stimulate us by blocking the neuroreceptors for the sleep chemical adenosine. Which also means, each time you partake the magical beverage for the day, it instantly creates a competition between caffeine and adenosine. Well obviously caffeine would win. 

The sad part is, caffeine has side effects. Despite its magical effects, coffee can give you pretty ugly teeth. Just like soda, too much of them will stain your teeth and make them yellowish. Well of course that happens only if you drink TOO much. I guess a cup a day wouldn't be too much ayee? :3 Oh but I have a solution thou. 

Because I'm siding caffeine over adenosine, you would probably see more advantages in my post. Truth is, coffee harms more than it helps. Other than the 6 hours of wow-im-so-energized-and-positive moment, I would still let adenosine take over for the rest of the day. So yeah, I'm cutting down on coffee. I need to overcome my addiction. Till then, no more coffee for the following week. #feelingdrugaddict

Behind every successful assignment, there is a cup of coffee. 

no please go away

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Self-esteem

The thing is, I never really know me myself.

Yes I have very low self esteem. At times I thought I have overcome it but when criticism comes, I indulge in self-pity again. Reason? Because I don't understand myself. O.O Have you ever come across situations where you are sooo down at one point you hated yourself so much you wish you were somebody else? I have, countless of times ahaha. One of the biggest downfall of me is that I follow too much of what people say. In short I just care too much of being the girl people wants me to be, rather than just being myself.

After 21 years of living? I only realized it now that there are 7 billions of different minds in this world. I mean yeah don't state the obvious but I seemed to be too oblivious about it. Your society affects who you are. So don't be such a baby when criticism hits. On the contrary, compliments should not make one stop improving. I'm telling myself that every now and then, I guess everyone should too.

I once read an article that says self-esteem of a person could be different depending on the situations. You may be the boss at school and a mice at home. I hardly trust my own judgement, because it seems that my comments are most of the time ignored or useless. Does that make me stop giving comments? Yes, but it shouldn't be that way.

To excel, first you have to accept yourself as you are. I could be a hipster and a philanthropist. I could be a dropout and a singer. I could be a scorer and a drug addict. It may sound cliche but Never Ever judge a book by its cover.

In my 21 years of living I have tried various ways overcoming my low self-esteem. I started off believing in myself. But then I overestimated myself and one time when I failed it was as if I fell from Mt. Kinabalu into the bottom of the sea lol. And then I started putting myself very low. I thought I was humble but heck I was in self-destructing mode.

After struggling for years I have finally come to solution. Accept myself as I am. I know what you're thinking, I AM that dumb. rawr.

Beauty comes after Confidence. Criticism may be harsh but I'm learning to take them as a stepping stone. Especially when criticism comes from people closest to you, you may think that they are not being supportive but remember, there are 7 billions of brains in the world. I always wonder how God plan the communities, because to me one of the hardest thing is to tolerate and live with people of different brains as yours. Think of your best friend, think of your significant other, what makes you two so close? Don't tell me you both have the same mindsets because no matter how similar you both think, there will still be differences that you have no choice but to accept and tolerate. Again because there are 7 billions of people in the world, there will never be a second you. Each time I tell myself that I feel like dancing WHEEHEE :D  So what I was trying to say is that, be who you are and NEVER try to imitate others. Of course there are exceptions.

Accepting criticisms with an open heart does not mean you absorb them. Instead, analyse with your God-given wisdom and improve if you should. Back then I would run to a corner and draw tons of circles but no, now I'm learning to face it and, BACKFIRE AHAHAHA joking.

Accepting my own weaknesses isn't like a piece of cake. Because the more I try to understand myself it is true that I see more weaknesses in myself, which back then I would not admit. First step to success is to know your mistakes. Be a maximizer not a coward. Improvement should be made and if you reach your limit then that is your limit. Accept it and move on in life.

I want to be beautiful, therefore I will accept myself.
And since I like it so much, kudos to the 7 billions of human brains on earth. Ciao! (:

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